Sometimes, I think the world punishes beautiful people. Sometimes, I think that the more gifted you are the stronger you have to be to fight off the jackals, vultures, and the rest of the ugliness that feeds itself off its incestuous jealousy and envy. Sometimes I think people think that beautiful and gifted people have it easier. Sometimes I think people are major piss-ant fucking assholes. But most of all, I think people for the most part should be forgiven for they, we, know not what we are doing. Our society is sick and diseased. The "normal" is diseased. What is abnormal is not. It is a sad state. Oh well, so sad.

Four years ago, she tried to kill herself and OD. She ended up in a coma and woke up in an almost vegetative state. The last time I saw my once vibrant, vivacious, beautiful friend was as a sad sack of hunched over bones barely able to keep down her drink. I cried a lot that day. I didn't know how long it would be before this very beautiful flaxen haired blued eyed sassy tongued angel would recover from her craziness and fight the world head on with love and intelligence. Or recover at all.

She got in touch with me last weekend out of the blue. She is doing so well! We talked on the phone as if no time has passed. We said shit and fuck and cocksucker and motherfucker got angry at unrighteous ignorant assholes that were mean and then laughed and laughed and laughed about the silliest things. It was just wonderful. If you were to ever meet either of us, you would see how cussing like a sailor does not fit the way we look at all. And then you would laugh delightedly as well! It would be one big fucking giant laughing festival.

She has made such a miraculous recovery. And with everything she has gone through, she has done so much! My hero. It has not been easy I am sure. But she has done the impossible and my heart feels like bursting for her recovery.

I know I make it seem as if society is to blame for her excess and self destructive behavior. But, as I am not entirely coherent, (very tired), right now, I want to parlay sincerely, that it is not entirely the case!

There are other things involved, I am sure. And yet, still, we have to take responsibility. If I have learned anything in the past years of the experiment that has been allowing my self to feel unabashed emotional excess, to let my heart out in the wild, blindly, it is this: In everything, balance. Find your own personal balance. There is no conflict within my head or heart. The emotional excess, has all but left me. I am happy for the experience. The key to authentic living is not only in allowing for freedom of my expression and emotion, but as well as to exerise discipline. For what good is the flute not finely tuned? I am not fighting epic battles within anymore. My breaths these days are easy, free, and filled with hope, light and love. With flowers. With delightful things. With sadness, but not the nail biting intensity of obsessive oh woe is me suffering. I am in a good place. I am alone, but I am not lonely. And I am not sad. I feel free and content in my searchings, yearnings, wanderings. This is what I share. And this is what my friend will share as well. I am certain. We are on the same path. She is also riding with me on this groovy bus that I have always dreamt about. Of course, like minded kindred spirits need not have to wait for invites! The bus is open. Come!

I have always felt a tidal draw to sensitive, creative people who suffer fools and cruelty. Haven't you as well? I feel so much empathy that the word empathy loses meaning.
In the past I was as well drawn into said self destructive behaviors, (minus drugs, thank god). All I know now, is that, these days, that there are better ways to "fight" perceived meanness and cruelty. It is through acceptance and through love. Through recognizing that there is a middle path. Through creation, through art, through beauty, through love.

It is the way it is, because it is the way it is. And that is all. I am so happy, so very happy that my angel has made such progress. I am so happy that my eyes fill with tears. I cannot explain it and I cannot see what I write, now.

It may also be the new Peruvian restaurant that I tried tonight. It wins it. SO good. They had a separate veg section. It was unbelievable. Unbelievable. And I love all of you and am so glad I know you. Thank you. Bonne nuit.