What are the odds that I would run into an old friend I hadn't seen in nine years or so, AND that would go all the way to Portland and present me with a delightful book of quatrains by Rumi AND the poem in question would be right there?!!

Miracle of miracles. My angel friend. He also bought me a crazy girl toy. It's big and red and looks quiet absurd. His way of presenting me with this was: "Hey, you know you are really absurd and kooky in a very crazy awesome way, and this just fits you. So here, have fun!" He's just great.

I ran into him last fall after many years of losing touch. He claims a huge crush on me from when I was a teen. We got together and had lots of fun. He's one of those guys that just doesn't want anything to do with monogamy and very openly decries it as a disease. He is delightful, albeit a bit crazy. He seems to think that I fall into said category as well. I think intellectually and physically he may be correct, but emotionally I am all for monogamy. I don't think that makes very much sense. It's ok. I am complex, I accept it. I choose the solace that is the pleasure of my own company until I sort everything out.

We had to stop hanging out and doing fun silly things together when I became emotionally involved with my last ex. This left my fun good times pal a bit miffed and jealous, (although he admits to being jealous but "not in the way that creates drama and insecurity in relationships"), admittedly he simply wanted my happiness. Well, so that he wouldn't feel too left out, I introduced him to a couple of girls that I knew, that were lonely and starved for attention.

Mind you I didn't use the word "friend" outright. You know the difference. There are lots of people, you know, that you can share beers and a few laughs with, but friends they do not become. Friendships, real, sustainable, like love, happens very rarely, at least, for me. I know lots of people, and I find very few that have real things in common with me. The two girls whom I introduced to him are no exception.

In any case, my friend wants to get back up with me and has been waiting patiently in the wings after my break up. But! The thing is now, I have no desire to indulge in any fun times with him because I don't really care for or respect the girls, whom I introduced him to, that he hooked up with. [redacted] and him being with them greatly lessens any attraction I might have felt for him before. Maybe its superficial, maybe its not. That's just how it goes I guess.

But I love that he went to Portland last winter and scoured the bookstores for my darling Rumi to present to me. It has been the most thoughtful thing anyone has done for me in many years. And the odds of finding my beloved poem inside!!!! It brought tears to my eyes. Oh, I love my friend so much! He's so awesome. Whenever we do hang out we have the best times. Laughing, playing, bickering, so fun! And anyway this very charming fellow has an entire harem of girls that would do anything for him, at his disposal.

My other friend that writes to me, he makes my toes curl with so much surprise. He is an emotional connection, this one. How do you have so much in common with someone! And he's very very attractive. Oh_boy. I have so much going on and yet nothing at all. It is all very strange. I feel a giant stirring, yet I have no earthly idea what or where to do with it or put it, respectively. But, I'm enjoying it as much as I can.

It's like there is something very crazy exciting lurking beyond that bend, and I just don't know what it is or who it is, but sense somehow something very exciting and truly amazing is about to happen. I am feeling it deep inside my bones. To the ends of my fingertips. All I have to do is to continue to take care of myself, work hard and wait this restlessness out.

I wish sometimes, I could explore my feelings that I still have left over for my recent ex. But I think that it would be imprudent and unhealthy. I don't understand why we fought so much and all of the time. It seems so senseless. Over the DUMBEST things. Has it all just been an issue of timing? What could we have done differently? I don't know. I think that he was right. He was not what I needed or wanted. At least, I know that I do not want him or need someone like him in my life. I think that he manifested this. Words, thoughts, are powerful. In any case, thanks to him, I am free from a potentially cruel sexless life of boring mediocrity.

But then again, maybe I am thinking about him because there is so much positive light in my life right now, and there is nothing better in the world for me than to share these vibrations with dear friends. "Love me!" And we were once friends. This is also the first month where I have been feeling more at ease with myself and my livingness all year. I gather it is because this has been the first real month by myself and away_from_him. September was spent mourning and feeling badly beaten up. So chin up moonie girl, I tell myself, the horse is dead. Sit still for now an wait this one out. No more vampires sucking you dry.

My friend, the writer of letters, through all of this, has been a constant companion. He and I mesh so well. I love his correspondence. He tells me I inspire him to write as he does and that no one has had this effect on him. That he doesn't write his long letters to anyone else like this. He makes me paintings and photos and tells me about the research he is doing on cancer cells. He is sweet. And funny. And devilish. And very talented. His confidence, sparkle and joie de vivre for life makes me smile wide and hard and I find myself eerily content with it all.

I was just in Boston with my ex this spring. The irony is astounding. NOTE: Kellnerin, I wanted to visit with you, but really, wasn't sure what my plans, (mood) were (was) going to be due to the fact that the person I was traveling with, (my ex), and I were so unstable together, one minute great, the next, major yuckiness... we would fight and well, I just didn't know how things were going to turn out. It turned out that we ended up having a great time there, but its all potluck, I guess. What a mess we were. /me shrugs. Preserve, protect, my new mantra. Still! I am visiting Boston again next year and this time will surely look you up! I still owe you the promise of a lengthy afternoon over chai or mate.

I wanted to write about my job today and how meaningful and wonderful it is. I wanted to write about watching A Mighty Heart and what it meant to me. I wanted to write about the farm subsidies in the US and the cynical view of the economics of the world food aid program. I felt like writing about the awful animal factories. I wanted to write about the rain that has been pouring down like crazy here, and while that is good because we are missing at least four inches of rainfall this year, is making it a nightmare to drive.

But then I took a detour. I got personal. I wonder that I should have written anything at all. But Rumi! My love. I was happy to find him this year! And for all of you, I hope you find what you want most of all...